WARNING! WARNING! THE FOLLOWING MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO THOSE WHO OPPOSE COMMON SENSE OR WHO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE INSIDE A RED STATE.

Back in December, I learned to my chagrin and horror that New England Patriots quarterback and former Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady had broken it off with actress girlfriend Bridgett Moynahan after three years. Now, I had no idea they had even been dating. Come to think of it, I was unsure who Moynahan was till I did an IMDB search. Brady I am quite familiar with as I LOATHE him to pieces. Not only is he a poseur as a quarterback, but he has a cleft on his chin that under close scientific inspection would draw comparisons to part of the lunar landscape. I mean, it could be the black hole. Carl Sagan and Jacques Cousteau are dead, otherwise there might be an exploratory team on the way.

This has been an interesting year for the celebrity quarterback, as prior to that announcement, Arizona Cardinals QB (and the former Heisman Trophy winner/USC darling) Matt Lineart dumped his basketball player girlfriend for Paris Hilton. Brady now is dating supermodel Gisele Bundchen. You think these are parallel lives? Wait, there's more! Both former girlfriends are now...pregnant.

This won't be a lecture in how men should do the right thing by women or anything like that. We've all been in situations in regards to sex and attempting to end a relationship in the best possible way. Oftentimes people feel like it's best to leave things on the highest note there is, which frequently involves orgasm.

Me personally, when it's over, it's over. Don't confuse the situation, just walk away - otherwise things can get very, very complicated. And how can you possibly make things more complicated then having a baby with an ex while dating a supermodel/starlet/playgirl (what IS Paris's occupation, anyway)? I don't think you can.

All the parties involved say outwardly they're thrilled about becoming parents, but when push comes to shove and children are actually brought into this world, then what happens? You mean to tell me that the new significant others are going to be okay with hanging around while their boyfriends change diapers and play peek-a-boo with a child that the gal-pals had no part in? Moreover, will the tiny infants' mothers approve of said significant others hanging around during the (no doubt highly legalized and contractualized) bonding process? Of course not.

Even more complex is the fact that all of these people (with the exception of the USC basketball player, who is still in college on scholarship) are making millions of dollars. Sure, it's easy to be thrilled about impending father/motherhood when you have a lot of money to pay for nannies, day care, and boarding school. These kids are not going to  have any shot in life at all, assuming that they are going to be put through the parents in absentia routine. If that is the case, then it's no better than if their parents were unmarried and poverty-stricken. Sometimes too much money is worse than having none at all, especially if there is no sense of responsibility or family to go along with it.

Both Lineart and Brady are big, strapping All-American guys from what appears to be decent families. Surely they understand the social ramifications involved, but they are also prima donna athletes who most likely have never been made to even pay a bar tab, much less provide for the economic and emotional needs of a child. I hope that in both cases that they will do the right thing by these kids, and give them the kind of family life that they deserve.